A Brief History of Me - When I Found Out I Was Pregnant At 14

 I am writing this post, and the next few posts, a little differently. When I found out I was pregnant I decided to write letters to my unborn baby. It was the only way I could let out all the emotions bottled up inside me since I wasn’t telling anyone about the pregnancy. These letters were written when I was 14, almost 15 years old so bear with me. I have not edited them because these were my true, raw emotions at that point in my life. I hope these letters help you gain a little insight into my world when I found out I was pregnant at 14. This first letter was written the day I found out that I was pregnant.

(Just so you know, I made it a point to write these letters with a loving tone because my plan was always to show these to my child when they were old enough to understand. For this reason you will never see me use the word “mistake” because even though getting pregnant was a mistake, I would never want my child to think that they were a mistake. That is not fair to the child, and not good for the child’s self esteem.)

January 23, 2010

Dear Baby,

Today I found out that I was pregnant with you. When I looked down at the pregnancy test and read: POSITIVE, I nearly fainted. (My thoughts at this point are: This should have never happened... it was just one time, I even took the morning after pill, this must be a mistake...) The first thing I did was call your daddy. He was so scared he hardly said anything. He just asked me if I was sure and if he should come over to the house. I responded with a weak: "yes." He was at our house in 20 minutes... but we decided not to talk about it today because we had to hit the road.

I had a drill competition today at Bear River high school. It was our region competition, which means that we competed with all the other drill teams in our region. Mama, Papa, Sebastian, and Daddy were all there to watch me! We placed second over all (Bear River got first, go figure.)

Drill is my life, I love it so much, my teammates are like my sisters, I don't know what I would do without them! High school would be so different. Did I mention I am only a freshman in high school this year? That's right. We are barely into second semester of high school and I am pregnant...

Trust me, this is not what I planned for my life at all. I have always planned to get straight A's and get into Harvard one day. I would love to live in New York someday too! I have never been there, but I hear it's beautiful.

Mama and papa have always pushed me so hard in school, and they are always so proud of me when I get a 4.0 and make it on honor roll. I was even on the National Junior Honor Society (NJHS) in middle school. Every Summer I get invited to go on these trips for smart kids, I never go though, I could never be away from mama and papa for too long! Last year I even got an award from Who's Who Among Students in America: (Each year, a select group of students is called forward to accept one of the most prestigious awards the academic community can bestow — selection to Who’s Who Among Students. This exclusive honor is conferred by more than 2,842 schools in all 50 states and the District of Columbia and is symbolized by the presentation of an award certificate.) :)

Because of all these things, I am so scared to tell mama and papa that I am pregnant...I have never disappointed them and I don't want them to see me as a failure and blame themselves... This is why daddy and I decided to keep you a secret for a little while.

Love,
Mommy

Drill Competition - 01/23/2010