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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

July 2, 2010

Dear Baby,

Today I told Kenzie I was pregnant. She lives in Nevada right now so I hadn’t seen her since April. We went up to Park Plaza Hotel because that’s where she is staying. I was in the pool and then decided to tell her by getting out of the pool in my bikini. Well at first she didn’t realize because I am still not really showing. If anything I kinda just look like I’m gaining weight. But then when all I was doing was giggling uncomfortably mama asked if she noticed anything different. Eventually she asked if I was pregnant and we said yes. She was shocked. Her son Knoxley is only about 7 months old right now and she is 17. We were always close growing up when she came to town to visit from Maryland but neither of us expected to both be teen moms. I guess at least now you will have Knoxley to grow up with. You guys will be about 9 months apart so that will be fun.

We recorded Kenzie’s reaction and sent it to MTV. We also made Kenzie promise to not tell anyone else. So far only her, my cousin Diana, and my aunt Alta know that I am pregnant. They are all very supportive so that’s nice since I don’t have my friends to talk to. I am kinda thinking we will just wait until you are born to tell anyone else and just send out a birth announcement. That would be pretty funny.


July 5, 2010

Yesterday was the 4th of July. It was pretty fun. We went to the parade in Millcreek with Alta and her kids, Kenzie, Dylan, Knoxley, and Kenzie’s friend Courtney. Then we went to breakfast at IHOP after. Then we went to see fireworks around daddy’s parent’s house. It was pretty cool. There’s a big park by their house and they had a whole carnival set up. We went early to put blankets down to save a spot. Aunt Alta and her kids were there with us and so were mama, daddy, and Sebastian. Daddy and I went down to the carnival to walk around. I figured since we were far from my neighborhood that I wouldn’t see any of my friends. But I was wrong.

We ran into Cailey and Nadia at the carnival. They walked right up to us and said hi. I can hardly remember what I said to them, my heart was beating so fast I couldn’t even hear myself think. They kept looking down at my stomach. I felt myself blushing because I was afraid they were going to ask me if I was pregnant. Luckily they didn’t. So I didn’t say anything. It was so awkward.

The thing is if they would have asked I probably would have told them that I was pregnant just because I was so nervous. So it’s probably a good thing they didn’t ask. To most it just looks like I am getting chubby. I will include a picture from yesterday so you can see what I mean. I am almost 7 months pregnant now and I still don’t have a belly. This is working in my favor since I’m keeping it a secret that I am pregnant.

Happy 4th of July (yesterday)! I can’t wait until 4th of July next year when you are here with us.


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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

June 14, 2010

Dear Baby,

Guess what. MTV answered. I know I didn’t believe it either at first when I opened my inbox and saw an email from someone with an MTV email address. They basically just asked for more pictures and information. I’m assuming they want some sort of belly shot to make sure I’m pregnant. But the thing is I’m not even showing yet. I’m 25 weeks tomorrow but I was really pushing my stomach out in the picture I sent them. This is so crazy to me. I still don’t think anything is going to come from this. But it gives me something to write to you about.

What else can I tell you about? I definitely feel you moving around in there. It’s the weirdest feeling. It’s especially weird because I don’t have a belly yet so sometimes I forget that I am pregnant until I feel you wiggling around. I hope you’re doing well in there.


June 21, 2010

Dear Baby,

I think you’ll be as shocked as I am to know that we are still moving along with MTV. I have been emailing back and forth with them and sending them more info on us. Today we even created a little video interview to send in. Daddy is so shy around a camera already so I could just imagine if we were chosen for the show. But I think overall it went well. Maybe we are kind of boring even. My parents aren’t kicking me out because I’m pregnant and I’m not talking to my friends so there’s no drama there. Overall we are just very un-dramatic. Haha. We will see how it goes.

I will be 26 weeks tomorrow and still no belly. You still move around a lot. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like a little fish swimming around inside of me. I love to use the Doppler to listen to your heartbeat.



* Some details of these letters were changed because I was asked not to share specifics regarding MTV's casting process. Therefore some minor details were edited so as not to fully explain the process. *
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Thursday, December 18, 2014

Dear Baby,

I just did something kinda crazy. I was looking online for teen pregnancy support groups in Utah. I couldn't find anything... big surprise. All I could find is support groups for girls that have given their babies up for adoption. So I started looking at adoption. I seriously contemplate adoption sometimes. But honestly I don't think I could do it. I'm not strong enough to grow you for 9 months and then let you go. It takes a strong woman to be able to do that. I have tons of respect for women who give up their babies for adoption.

Even though I am so young and this situation is not one that I ever planned, I am going to keep you. I am blessed because I know mama and papa will help us. They have already told me that we can live with them as long as I'm going to school. And I am definitely going back to school after you are born. I am taking math online right now so that when I go back to school I can be in a higher math class. I will graduate from high school and go to college. This is something that makes me unique. Most teenage pregnancies that I know either drop out of high school to get their GED, or finish high school and don't go to college. I know I am going to do both.

Another thing that is unique about my situation right now is that I'm keeping my pregnancy a secret. Right now only one of my friends knows I am pregnant. That's McKaylee. She is my closest friend right now. We met on the drill team. She's going to be a senior this coming year and I'll be a sophomore. I told her I was pregnant because I'm close with her family and they understand. McKaylee's mom had her when she was 16. But I haven't been talking to Mick since school ended and the drill team started practicing again. And she hasn't told anyone that I'm pregnant.

So as of right now nobody else knows. None of my other friends that I grew up with know. Not even Cassidy. There were a couple of times in school that I was going to tell her. But then it just didn't feel right. So I haven't told her. Which basically leaves me alone. This summer I'm not going to hang out with anyone. I don't want the stares and judgement. So I'm just going to spend time with daddy and mama, papa, and Sebastian. Maybe I'll start telling people when my stomach gets bigger because right now there's no reason for them to know since I'm not showing.

Back to what I did tonight that was kinda crazy. When I was looking into adoption online there was this ad on the side of one of the pages. It was for some show called "16 and Pregnant". It said something like "are you between the ages of 14 and 18 and pregnant? Are you thinking of adoption?" So I clicked on the ad and it had instructions to write an email with my name, age, and brief description of myself including a picture and why I would like to be featured on the show. I thought about it for a minute and thought maybe I should just write an email. But then I didn't know if this was legit. It was an ad on some website. So I went and talked to mama and papa about it. I guess 16 and Pregnant is a show on MTV. I've heard of it but I've never actually watched it before. I don't watch any shows that are on MTV. Mama said she had heard of it too but never watched it. Papa said he had never even heard of it. At first they said I shouldn't email MTV. They didn't even know what the show was like. Plus they told me that MTV is big and probably gets lots of emails about shows so they wouldn't even respond if I did email them. But then we talked about it a little more and figured I didn't have anything to lose from just writing an email. So I did it. I wrote:

My name is Izabella Tovar, I am 15 years old and 24 weeks pregnant. I live in Draper, Utah and I would like to be considered for your show. One reason I would like to be on the show is because I am 6 months pregnant and I haven't told my friends or family. I also want to be on the show so that people can see that even though I made a mistake, I can still have a happy ending. I plan on finishing high school, attending college, and being very succesful while also getting married and having a beautiful baby boy. I want people to see that I can do it all and still be happy.

And I included this picture: 

So we will see what happens. I don't expect to get a reply back for awhile if I get a response at all. But that's okay. I honestly don't know if being on some show on MTV would be a good idea. Plus why would they answer my email? I am pretty boring and I'm sure they get tons of emails. But at least it gave me something else to think about for the day. Sometimes I get so bored here at home not talking to any of my friends.

Well goodnight. I love you.

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Sunday, December 14, 2014

Dear Baby,

I have never been so hurt before. I almost didn't want to write this but I think I should. It helps me get my feelings out. I found out that my drill coach broke our agreement. She told me and mama that she wouldn't tell my teammates that I was pregnant. I have already started writing each of my teammates letters to explain the situation to them. But it turns out that the coach basically told my team I was pregnant. I'm not sure exactly what she said but a couple of girls told me that she told them that I wasn't on the team anymore and the rumors they may be hearing about me are true. The people I heard this from weren't even talking to me. I had to reach out to them to talk to them and even still they only gave me a short answer. They didn't tell me the whole story of what happened at the first practice. All I know is that it was a few days before school ended and my coach said something that made the girls not want to talk to me.

 I didn't even know rumors were going around. Only two people have asked me if I'm pregnant and I denied it to both of them. The last few days of school my teammates were acting really weird if they saw me in the halls or just straight up staring at my stomach. Well even though I was about 5 months pregnant at the end of the school year I wasn't showing at all. I was still wearing my same school uniform (khaki Bermuda shorts & a white short sleeved button down shirt). So still nobody knows I am pregnant for sure. But it still makes me mad and hurts my feelings that my coach would go against our agreement. I really truly believed in her. I looked up to her so much and I trusted her with my biggest secret. For her to go behind my back and betray my trust really hurts. All I asked of her was to wait to tell the team that I was "quitting" (being kicked off) until after school ended so I didn't have to deal with it the last few days of school and I could write them all letters explaining the situation and letting them know how I feel about them and how much they mean to me.

Once I found out what my drill coach had told my team and none of them really came to talk to me about it or ask why I left the team, I decided why should I tell any of them I am pregnant? Obviously none of them feel the same way about me as I do about them. None of them care enough to ask me why I was quitting even though I tried out and made the team again. I was so hurt. Once I had made the drill team freshman year I didn't really have time for my other friends. So my drill teammates were my best friends. They were my sisters. Yet where were they really? Why didn't they care that I had just randomly quit the team? I'm not sure exactly what my coach said to them but it couldn't have been good otherwise my teammates wouldn't have avoided me.

Sorry to write about such sad news. But clearly our plans for you being the SilverLine's youngest fan are out of the question. But don't worry I'm strong and I'll get through this. I don't need my teammates. Clearly they weren't my true friends anyways. All I need is you, daddy, and my family. I love you baby.

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Monday, December 1, 2014

For Jairo and I, girl names are hard. We had a boy name picked out before we knew we were having a girl. Once we did find out we were having a girl we were overjoyed, but stumped. We could not decide on a name for the longest time. At first we thought about names that began with an “H” to match Henry. We did like some names such as Harper, Hadley, Harriett, Hannah, and Hattie. Then we decided we didn’t necessarily want our kids’ names to match. So we wanted a classic name that matched Henry, possibly even a name with royal history. For a few weeks we were set on the name Victoria. But that name too we realized just wasn’t right. When we finally talked about the name Anastazia it was like an epiphany. Instantly we fell in love with the name. We knew we wanted to spell it with a “Z” instead of an “S” to match my name.

Then came the task of a middle name. It was like the first name struggle all over again. We could not come up with anything. What is funny though is that when I was about 6 months pregnant and we were debating about using the name Victoria, one night Henry came up with a name of his own. It was so random. One night before bed we were just sitting there and he looked at me and said: “mommy, I know what we should name our baby.” I asked him what his idea was and his answer was surprising. (One time he had said that we should name our baby “barbeque” so I was expecting him to just be silly again.) But his idea was that we should name our baby Emily. To me this was so random because he doesn’t know anybody named Emily. That isn’t the name of any characters in shows or movies that he has seen nor is it a name that we had ever mentioned. So I am really not sure where he got it from.

We thought it was cute but really couldn’t picture it for our daughter. Plus we thought Henry would soon forget about the name. Well, he didn’t. Throughout the remainder of my pregnancy he stuck on the name. Even when we told him we were naming the baby Anastazia he said Emily should be her second name. So then he would refer to the baby as Anastazia Emily, or more frequently, Emily Anastazia.

Well, Jairo and I eventually decided that we should consider using Emily as a middle name because it meant so much to Henry. Even though it wasn’t one of our picks for a baby name, we thought it would be meaningful if we used Emily as Anastazia’s middle name because her big brother picked the name out. In fact, when my mom was pregnant with my little brother Sebastian I picked out his middle name. I was five years old and it was around the time that I was in my school’s Christmas program and I liked the name of the Angel Gabriel so I told my parents we should name our baby that and they did. My brother’s name is Sebastian Gabriel.

Honestly we didn’t decide on Anastazia Emily for sure until we filled out the birth certificate in the hospital. But we are so glad we did. We all love her name and it definitely fits her. Plus it is so sweet that her big brother picked out her middle name. I think it makes the name meaningful.

So, we are pleased to announce that our precious little beauty is named:

Anastazia Emily Tovar

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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Below you will find the link to my birth video. Please understand that even though nothing inappropriate is shown, this video is very personal. You are in no way being forced to watch this video. But if you do choose to do so, please be respectful. Thanks in advance!

Big huge thank you to Utah Birth Stories ( for this amazing video!

Just click on the link below to watch. Let me know what you think and/or if you have any issues with the link!
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Thursday, November 20, 2014

My number one pregnancy postpartum must have is the Bellefit Maternity girdle.

After I had Henry I ordered a type of postpartum girdle, and it was terrible. It was basically just fabric that wrapped around my abdomen and had Velcro to close. It was thick and bulky, it moved up and down under my clothes, and it bent weird when I sat down or bent over. Basically it was a waste of money and didn't help at all.

I knew this time around post pregnancy I wanted to find a girdle that worked. I am so glad I came across Bellefit. Their products are medical grade childbirth recovery. I have a bundle that comes with a dual-closure girdle in size large and a girdle with hooks (corset) in size medium. I began using the dual-closure girdle the day I was discharged from the hospital and I am already on the tightest setting of the girdle. I can already see the difference it is making! Next I will use the corset.

The Bellefit girdles are amazing in their quality. They are lightweight, durable, and most importantly stay in place. What is a girdle if it isn't secure? The Bellefit girdle doesn't move up and down when you put clothes on or sit down. The girdle secures at the bottom so it can't ride up all day long. It really is the perfect fit.

It has only been two weeks and I am already so satisfied with these girdles. I have included a picture of my progress 1 week postpartum and will continue to update as time goes on!

I highly recommend Bellefit. They also have an awesome shapeware collection as well as nursing pajamas. Their postpartum girdles are safe for both natural deliveries and C-sections. I highly encourage you to check out to browse through their products and check out the FAQ questions for answers to any questions you may have.

Receive $10 off using coupon code VIP10 right now! Also, there is free 2-3 business day shipping on US orders.
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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

My what a crazy week our first week together was. I spent most of this week in tears because I was so stressed and worried.

We were discharged from the hospital on Friday November 7th. Anastazia's bilirubin count was 10 when we were discharged so we were instructed to take her to the pediatrician Monday morning to get another count done and to watch her coloring over the weekend. She weighed 7 pounds 3.5 ounces, which is fine because newborns are supposed to lose weight at first and she hadn’t lost too much of her body weight. While I was in the hospital the right side of my face started losing movement. It started with the right side of my tongue being numb, then the right side of my mouth wouldn't close right or smile, finally my right eye wouldn't close all the way. I had mentioned the issue to my doctor and to several nurses but they weren't sure what it could be. My doctor instructed me to go to the ER over the weekend if it got worse but the last place I wanted to go with a new baby was the emergency room. So we mostly just relaxed over the weekend. 

Anastazia didn't look too yellow but it was hard to tell because her skin is pretty dark anyways. So on Saturday I called the pediatrician's office to ask if we should bring her in before Monday. The nurse instructed me to watch her poops and if they transitioned to yellow before Sunday morning then we were fine to wait until Monday but if they didn't then we should bring her in Sunday morning. Well Saturday evening her poops transitioned to yellow and they remained yellow all through Sunday so we figured she was okay. 

“Bilirubin is the yellow breakdown product of normal heme catabolism. Heme is found in hemoglobin, a principal component of red blood cells. Bilirubin is excreted in bile and urine, and elevated levels may indicate certain diseases, including jaundice.”

Monday morning we took Anastazia to the pediatrician at 10:40 AM. They pricked her poor little heel and did a newborn checkup. She weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces. She looked good and her doctor even said she didn’t look super jaundice. She thought just by looking at her that she wouldn’t need to be put under lights. But they would call us with the results soon. After we left the pediatrician I called my doctor’s office to let them know that my face hadn’t gotten any better. The nurse said that she would talk to my doctor and call me back. When she called back she said that my doctor wanted me to go to the ER ASAP to get a brain scan to make sure it wasn’t a stroke, blood clot, or anything else serious. I instantly started crying. I was so scared and the last place I wanted to take Anastazia was the ER, but I couldn’t leave her at home because she breastfed every hour and I wasn’t sure how long I would be there. So Jairo, Anastazia and I went to the ER and Henry stayed at home with my mom.

I basically cried the whole way because I was so worried. I was still crying when we got to the emergency room. Luckily the ER by my house never has a long wait so they took us right back into a room. I have to mention that the staff there was amazing. They were so nice and made me feel much better. The doctor that saw me basically did a physical exam of my face testing the function. Then he told me that I had Bell’s Palsy.

“Bell's palsy is a disorder of the nerve that controls movement of the muscles in the face. This nerve is called the facial or 7th cranial nerve. Damage to this nerve causes weakness or paralysis of these muscles. Paralysis means that you cannot use the muscles at all.”

The doctor told me that Bell’s palsy could be more common in the third trimester of pregnancy or within the first week after delivery. It can also be more common in people with high blood pressure. I had been on bed rest for high blood pressure since I was 34 weeks pregnant and even in the emergency room my blood pressure was pretty high. I was so relieved to know that it was something that wasn’t too serious and would go away on its own. I got a CT scan just incase and it came back totally normal. The doctor started me on an antibiotic and a steroid (both safe while breastfeeding) to help shorten the symptoms. Unfortunately the treatment is more effective the sooner it is started so my symptoms could have been shortened a lot more if I had started the antibiotic and steroid when my symptoms first appeared. But at least I started them that day.

So we went home and I thought our worries were over. By this time it was almost 4 o’clock and we still hadn’t heard back about Anastazia’s bilirubin level. So I called the doctor’s office and they said they had the results but had to wait for a doctor to read them and then they would call us back. About half an hour later they called back and said that her count was 21.3, which meant that she was critically jaundice. She needed to be put under lights right away and stay under them strictly otherwise she would have to be hospitalized. Instantly I started crying again. I was so worried about Anastazia. I was so mad at the pediatrician’s office for taking over five hours to give us the results. She could have started the lights earlier that afternoon if they would have told us sooner. I also hated how the nurse was talking to me like I was a bad mom and would be incapable of keeping her under the lights. I know that is what I get for being a young mom but I still never get used to being talked down to. Of course I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure my daughter is healthy.

“Infant jaundice is a yellow discoloration in a newborn baby's skin and eyes. Infant jaundice occurs because the baby's blood contains an excess of bilirubin (bil-ih-ROO-bin), a yellow-colored pigment of red blood cells.
Infant jaundice is a common condition, particularly in babies born before 38 weeks gestation (preterm babies) and some breast-fed babies. Infant jaundice usually occurs because a baby's liver isn't mature enough to get rid of bilirubin in the bloodstream. In some cases, an underlying disease may cause jaundice.
Treatment of infant jaundice often isn't necessary, and most cases that need treatment respond well to noninvasive therapy. Although complications are rare, a high bilirubin level associated with severe infant jaundice or inadequately treated jaundice may cause brain damage.”
Her bilirubin bed and blanket weren’t even delivered until close to 6 o’clock Monday night. But we started her on it right away. She had to have the biliblanket (which really looks like a wand) strapped on her tummy and then be laying on the bilibed nonstop. We could only take her out of the bed to feed and change her. It was the hardest night ever. She HATED the bed. She would only sleep for 10-minute increments and then would be whining and crying the rest of the time. It was so hard to watch her. But I knew I had to keep her in there. I swear it was the longest night of my life. I was so excited when the sun started coming up. We had to take her to the pediatrician’s office at 7:45 AM for another foot poke. Apparently if we had been in the hospital she would have needed to be poked at midnight since her levels were so critical.

So we took her in to get her poor little foot poked. She weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces still. This time the nurse assured me that they would get the results in two hours. She said the only reason it took so long the day before was because LabCorp’s bilirubin machine was down so they had to wait for it to get fixed. This got me wondering if her results were even accurate, but oh well. So we left the office and waited. I called the office at 10 AM to see if they had received the results. They said that LabCorp’s actually has two hours from the time the pediatrician’s office calls them to arrange a pickup to actually pick up the results. So really the samples had just recently been picked up. I was pissed. The nurse told me two hours to expect the results. I got into a bit of an argument with the nurse at that point. I was so tired of waiting all day for results when I knew there were other pediatrician’s offices near me that processed the samples in the office. It had been a very stressful week and I was fed up with doctor’s offices by now.

Finally around noon the office called with the results. Anastazia’s bilirubin count was 14.5. This, they said, was really good, a huge improvement from the day before. She was no longer considered critical but we were instructed to keep her on the lights, just not as strictly. The doctor said we could take her out and cuddle her so she wasn’t so miserable. We were so relieved. I cried happy tears at this point. I was so glad my baby was getting better.

We were instructed to get Anastazia’s bilirubin count checked again the following morning before 10 AM. But honestly I was sick of waiting all day for results. There is another pediatrician’s office that is closer to my house that my cousin used to work at and she knew that they processed the results in the office, which means we would get them in 15 minutes instead of 4 hours. So we decided to take her there. Well that was even more of a joke. We were forced to wait 45 minutes to be taken back into a room. We had to wait in the waiting room with at least 10 other kids under the age of 3. (At the other pediatrician’s office that we go to, newborns are taken right back into a special waiting area near the nurse’s desk in the back so that they don’t have to be exposed to the other patients.) Then the medical assistant that helped us disgusted me. She was rude, condescending, dirty, and very unprofessional. She was annoyed that Anastazia was crying and that we wouldn’t give her a pacifier (because she doesn’t take one), but she wouldn’t let me nurse her because she wanted to be pricking her foot while she nursed. Then she put her gloves on and proceeded to type on the computer, touch clipboards, open drawers, and touch door handles and then tried to touch Anastazia. We kindly asked her if she was planning on changing her gloves before she drew blood since she had just gotten so many germs on them. Luckily she did, but not before she let us know how annoyed she was with us. She was rough while measuring Anastazia, and was just all around snotty. It was awful.

The doctor was really nice. He was patient and told us how she was measuring. She weighed 7 pounds 7 ounces, was 20 inches long, and her head circumference was 13.3 inches. She was in the 50th percentile for height and weight and 10th percentile for head. We did get her bilirubin results while we were at the office and her count was a 12. The doctor gave us the okay to discontinue using the bilibed and biliblanket. This was the best news I had heard all week!

I relayed these results to her normal pediatrician because after the joke we experienced with the medical assistant and front desk staff I was ready to put my differences with the office aside. At least my baby was getting better. Her pediatrician said that we should go in for another bilirubin count the following day (Thursday, November 13th). She said that her levels were going to rebound but they just wanted to make sure they didn’t get too high.

So on Thursday morning I took Anastazia to the office again. This was my first time driving with her by myself because Jairo was back at work. She weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces. She got her fifth foot poke, poor girl. She didn’t even cry with the poke this time. But she was quite the little kicker! She wouldn’t stop kicking the nurse that was taking her blood! I had taken her in around 9:40 AM and we actually did get the results around 11:40 AM this time. Her count was down to 11.1 so she was in the clear! The nurse said we didn’t have to take her to the doctor again until her two-week checkup.

So finally as of noon on Thursday, November 13th I could breathe. I cried one last cry of relief that our crazy first week was drawing to an end and that we were all going to be okay.

Incase it got lost in detail, here are Anastazia’s stats for the week-

Bilirubin Counts:
·      Hospital (11/07/14 at 4 AM) – 10
·      Pediatrician (11/10/14 at 11 AM) – 21.3
·      Pediatrician (11/11/14 at 8 AM) – 14.5
·      Pediatrician (11/12/14 at 9:30 AM) – 12
·      Pediatrician (11/13/14 at 9:40 AM) – 11.1

·      Birth – 7 lbs. 12 oz.
·      Discharge from hospital – 7 lbs. 3.5 oz.
·      11/10/14 – 7 lbs. 8 oz.
·      11/11/14 – 7 lbs. 8 oz.
·      11/12/14 – 7 lbs. 7 oz.
·      11/13/14 – 7 lbs. 9 oz.

·      Height – 50th percentile
·      Weight – 50th percentile
·      Head – 10th percentile

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