A Brief History of Me - Telling My Parents I Was Pregnant

I am writing this post, and the next few posts, a little differently. When I found out I was pregnant I decided to write letters to my unborn baby. It was the only way I could let out all the emotions bottled up inside me since I wasn’t telling anyone about the pregnancy. These letters were written when I was 14, almost 15 years old so bear with me. I have not edited them because these were my true, raw emotions at that point in my life. I hope these letters help you gain a little insight into my world when I found out I was pregnant at 14. This second letter was written shortly after I had told my parents that I was pregnant.

(Just so you know, I made it a point to write these letters with a loving tone because my plan was always to show these to my child when they were old enough to understand. For this reason you will never see me use the word “mistake” because even though getting pregnant was a mistake, I would never want my child to think that they were a mistake. That is not fair to the child, and not good for the child’s self esteem.)

February 14, 2010

Dear Baby,

Today is Valentine's Day. It is mine and daddy's first Valentine's Day as a couple, and I am 8 weeks pregnant!

A few days after I took the pregnancy test, mama kind of figured out that I was pregnant. She didn't say much, she just cried. Then came the next matter of business, tell papa. The next few days after that were definitely the longest days of my life, luckily papa was working funny hours, so he would sleep all day and work all night. This made it easier on me because I couldn't bear to look at him.

Mama was the one who did it, she called papa at work one night. I still remember watching her make that phone call. I had butterflies in my stomach, a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes. I knew this wasn't going to go over smoothly. All she said to him was: "I need to talk to you about Izabella." Instantly he knew there was something wrong. (I never get into trouble at school, and there is no way I would be into drugs or alcohol.) In fact, he was the one who said: "Don't tell me she's pregnant." That was it, the catch in my mom's breath after that was the only confirmation he needed. After that there might have been some obscene language tossed around, and then my dad mentioned "abortion."

I have gone to Catholic school my whole life, and I am definitely pro-life (I would never be a murderer.) I also believe that everything happens for a reason, but at the moment, I didn't think that reason would ever make itself apparent. At that point in time I was feeling horrible. I thought I had disappointed my parents in the absolute worst way possible. They have always had such high hopes and expectations for me and here I go just ruining all of that in one night. As a 14-year-old little girl, I thought there was no way I could ever make that up to my parents again, and then I cried.

Papa and I didn't talk over the next few days, nor did he talk to daddy. This was okay by me at first, because I was so nervous for what he would say. But, eventually I grew even more nervous waiting for him to actually sit down and talk to daddy and I. (Papa is really big on communicating, so I knew it would happen eventually.) I was right, except it wasn't as bad as I thought. There was a lot of crying involved, but I was glad that papa had had a few days to calm down. Because instead of thinking "abortion" he was thinking clearly. He explained to me that the only reason he ever mentioned abortion was because he was so afraid for my future. Papa would never really consider abortion. He is prolife. So, instead of killing an innocent human being, he and mama decided that they would try to help me out.

I got pregnant. We all understood, and regretted, but we had to put it in the past. There is nothing we can do about it now, besides try our hardest to ensure a healthy baby, and a good future for all of us. I know that mama and papa will be by my sides 100 %. They will stick with me no matter what, and help me up when I fall. I am so grateful for them, and I am so glad that you are going to have such loving grandparents. I love you baby.

Love,
Mommy