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Monday, November 17, 2014

A Brief History Of Me - Getting Kicked Off The Drill Team

May 15, 2010

Dear Baby,

This week was really hard. I invited my drill coach over to tell her I was pregnant a few days ago. I was so nervous waiting for her to get here. I had no idea how she would react. I knew for sure she'd be disappointed but hoped she would still be supportive. I don't think she realizes how much the team means to me. These girls are my family. I need my team more than anyone right now. They are my best friends and my sisters. Their support would mean the world to me right now.

As soon as my coach pulled up I felt my stomach drop and tears well up in my eyes. I even told mama "maybe we don't have to tell her just yet. Let's just make something up for why we invited her over today." But I knew it was too late already. So we invited her in and sat down on the couch. Mama did all of the talking. She basically just told her "well, Izabella is pregnant." I could tell that was not what she wanted or expected to hear. The disappointment on her face was so obvious it made me feel sick. Mama then explained to her that I was about 5 months along and since my body was already used to the workout my doctor said I would be fine to continue with drill. Also, my school counselor and the school's athletic director had already cleared me to stay on the team.

I had already tried out and made the team fair and square. I would be fine to attend all practices throughout the summer and participate in them until I was ready to deliver. I am due September 28th so I would probably miss the first couple of football game performances but then 6 weeks after delivery I could return to normal practices again. So I would not miss any competitions or anything. Really I wasn't asking for special treatment. It would be similar to getting an injury and having to sit out of practice for a few weeks (which some people do). So really I didn't think it would be a problem.

After we had broken the news to her my coach didn't say much. She was going to talk to my assistant coach and come back. So today they both came over. In their opinion it was unfair for me to stay on the team. They acted like I was asking for special treatment and they didn't think it was fair to the rest of the team. So they kicked me off the team. It wasn't even up for discussion. That was my coach and assistant coach's decision and I had no say in the matter.

I am devastated. I feel so alone all of the sudden. It feels like my family is being ripped away from me. I did not think this was even a possibility. I thought today we would break the news to my coach, set up a plan for how to tell the rest of the team, and arrange my "maternity leave". But instead I got kicked off of the team that means the most to me. I don't know how I'll go to school and see my teammates every day without seeing them at practices. I have never felt so empty.

But my coaches did say that they would be there for me during my pregnancy. They would come take walks with me to help me stay active and they were always going to be there for me if I needed to talk. I hope this is true because if I am just shut off from my team suddenly and completely I don't know how I'll get through this time in my life. What I need most right now is for my life to stay as normal as possible. That's why I'm not dropping out of school. I am determined to make sure my life stays on track even after I have you. I know I can do it. I just don't know if I will be able to count on the support from my drill team that I was counting on.

One thing I did arrange with my coaches was that I wanted to be the one to tell my teammates that I was pregnant. I didn't want them to hear it from anyone but me. Since I am keeping this pregnancy a secret I don't want to tell them until right before school ends because the whole reason I have kept it a secret for this long is so that I don't have to deal with the stares and criticisms I would get at school. I decided that I am going to write a letter to each of my teammates explaining the situation and letting them know how much they mean to me. So hopefully that goes over well. I just really don't want to lose these girls.


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