The Secret Escapes... July 2010

July 2, 2010

Dear Baby,

Today I told Kenzie I was pregnant. She lives in Nevada right now so I hadn’t seen her since April. We went up to Park Plaza Hotel because that’s where she is staying. I was in the pool and then decided to tell her by getting out of the pool in my bikini. Well at first she didn’t realize because I am still not really showing. If anything I kinda just look like I’m gaining weight. But then when all I was doing was giggling uncomfortably mama asked if she noticed anything different. Eventually she asked if I was pregnant and we said yes. She was shocked. Her son Knoxley is only about 7 months old right now and she is 17. We were always close growing up when she came to town to visit from Maryland but neither of us expected to both be teen moms. I guess at least now you will have Knoxley to grow up with. You guys will be about 9 months apart so that will be fun.

We recorded Kenzie’s reaction and sent it to MTV. We also made Kenzie promise to not tell anyone else. So far only her, my cousin Diana, and my aunt Alta know that I am pregnant. They are all very supportive so that’s nice since I don’t have my friends to talk to. I am kinda thinking we will just wait until you are born to tell anyone else and just send out a birth announcement. That would be pretty funny.

Love,

Mommy

July 5, 2010

Yesterday was the 4^th of July. It was pretty fun. We went to the parade in Millcreek with Alta and her kids, Kenzie, Dylan, Knoxley, and Kenzie’s friend Courtney. Then we went to breakfast at IHOP after. Then we went to see fireworks around daddy’s parent’s house. It was pretty cool. There’s a big park by their house and they had a whole carnival set up. We went early to put blankets down to save a spot. Aunt Alta and her kids were there with us and so were mama, daddy, and Sebastian. Daddy and I went down to the carnival to walk around. I figured since we were far from my neighborhood that I wouldn’t see any of my friends. But I was wrong.

We ran into Cailey and Nadia at the carnival. They walked right up to us and said hi. I can hardly remember what I said to them, my heart was beating so fast I couldn’t even hear myself think. They kept looking down at my stomach. I felt myself blushing because I was afraid they were going to ask me if I was pregnant. Luckily they didn’t. So I didn’t say anything. It was so awkward.

The thing is if they would have asked I probably would have told them that I was pregnant just because I was so nervous. So it’s probably a good thing they didn’t ask. To most it just looks like I am getting chubby. I will include a picture from yesterday so you can see what I mean. I am almost 7 months pregnant now and I still don’t have a belly. This is working in my favor since I’m keeping it a secret that I am pregnant.

Happy 4^th of July (yesterday)! I can’t wait until 4^th of July next year when you are here with us.

Love,

Mommy

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Letters to Henry June 2010

June 14, 2010

Dear Baby,

Guess what. MTV answered. I know I didn’t believe it either at first when I opened my inbox and saw an email from someone with an MTV email address. They basically just asked for more pictures and information. I’m assuming they want some sort of belly shot to make sure I’m pregnant. But the thing is I’m not even showing yet. I’m 25 weeks tomorrow but I was really pushing my stomach out in the picture I sent them. This is so crazy to me. I still don’t think anything is going to come from this. But it gives me something to write to you about.

What else can I tell you about? I definitely feel you moving around in there. It’s the weirdest feeling. It’s especially weird because I don’t have a belly yet so sometimes I forget that I am pregnant until I feel you wiggling around. I hope you’re doing well in there.

Love,

Mommy

June 21, 2010

Dear Baby,

I think you’ll be as shocked as I am to know that we are still moving along with MTV. I have been emailing back and forth with them and sending them more info on us. Today we even created a little video interview to send in. Daddy is so shy around a camera already so I could just imagine if we were chosen for the show. But I think overall it went well. Maybe we are kind of boring even. My parents aren’t kicking me out because I’m pregnant and I’m not talking to my friends so there’s no drama there. Overall we are just very un-dramatic. Haha. We will see how it goes.

I will be 26 weeks tomorrow and still no belly. You still move around a lot. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like a little fish swimming around inside of me. I love to use the Doppler to listen to your heartbeat.

Love,

Mommy


* Some details of these letters were changed because I was asked not to share specifics regarding MTV's casting process. Therefore some minor details were edited so as not to fully explain the process. *

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June 12, 2010

Dear Baby,

I just did something kinda crazy. I was looking online for teen pregnancy support groups in Utah. I couldn't find anything... big surprise. All I could find is support groups for girls that have given their babies up for adoption. So I started looking at adoption. I seriously contemplate adoption sometimes. But honestly I don't think I could do it. I'm not strong enough to grow you for 9 months and then let you go. It takes a strong woman to be able to do that. I have tons of respect for women who give up their babies for adoption.
Even though I am so young and this situation is not one that I ever planned, I am going to keep you. I am blessed because I know mama and papa will help us. They have already told me that we can live with them as long as I'm going to school. And I am definitely going back to school after you are born. I am taking math online right now so that when I go back to school I can be in a higher math class. I will graduate from high school and go to college. This is something that makes me unique. Most teenage pregnancies that I know either drop out of high school to get their GED, or finish high school and don't go to college. I know I am going to do both.

Another thing that is unique about my situation right now is that I'm keeping my pregnancy a secret. Right now only one of my friends knows I am pregnant. That's McKaylee. She is my closest friend right now. We met on the drill team. She's going to be a senior this coming year and I'll be a sophomore. I told her I was pregnant because I'm close with her family and they understand. McKaylee's mom had her when she was 16. But I haven't been talking to Mick since school ended and the drill team started practicing again. And she hasn't told anyone that I'm pregnant.

So as of right now nobody else knows. None of my other friends that I grew up with know. Not even Cassidy. There were a couple of times in school that I was going to tell her. But then it just didn't feel right. So I haven't told her. Which basically leaves me alone. This summer I'm not going to hang out with anyone. I don't want the stares and judgement. So I'm just going to spend time with daddy and mama, papa, and Sebastian. Maybe I'll start telling people when my stomach gets bigger because right now there's no reason for them to know since I'm not showing.

Back to what I did tonight that was kinda crazy. When I was looking into adoption online there was this ad on the side of one of the pages. It was for some show called "16 and Pregnant". It said something like "are you between the ages of 14 and 18 and pregnant? Are you thinking of adoption?" So I clicked on the ad and it had instructions to write an email with my name, age, and brief description of myself including a picture and why I would like to be featured on the show. I thought about it for a minute and thought maybe I should just write an email. But then I didn't know if this was legit. It was an ad on some website. So I went and talked to mama and papa about it. I guess 16 and Pregnant is a show on MTV. I've heard of it but I've never actually watched it before. I don't watch any shows that are on MTV. Mama said she had heard of it too but never watched it. Papa said he had never even heard of it. At first they said I shouldn't email MTV. They didn't even know what the show was like. Plus they told me that MTV is big and probably gets lots of emails about shows so they wouldn't even respond if I did email them. But then we talked about it a little more and figured I didn't have anything to lose from just writing an email. So I did it. I wrote:

Hello,
My name is Izabella Tovar, I am 15 years old and 24 weeks pregnant. I live in Draper, Utah and I would like to be considered for your show. One reason I would like to be on the show is because I am 6 months pregnant and I haven't told my friends or family. I also want to be on the show so that people can see that even though I made a mistake, I can still have a happy ending. I plan on finishing high school, attending college, and being very succesful while also getting married and having a beautiful baby boy. I want people to see that I can do it all and still be happy.
And I included this picture: 

So we will see what happens. I don't expect to get a reply back for awhile if I get a response at all. But that's okay. I honestly don't know if being on some show on MTV would be a good idea. Plus why would they answer my email? I am pretty boring and I'm sure they get tons of emails. But at least it gave me something else to think about for the day. Sometimes I get so bored here at home not talking to any of my friends.

Well goodnight. I love you.
Love,
Mommy

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June 8, 2010

Dear Baby,

I have never been so hurt before. I almost didn't want to write this but I think I should. It helps me get my feelings out. I found out that my drill coach broke our agreement. She told me and mama that she wouldn't tell my teammates that I was pregnant. I have already started writing each of my teammates letters to explain the situation to them. But it turns out that the coach basically told my team I was pregnant. I'm not sure exactly what she said but a couple of girls told me that she told them that I wasn't on the team anymore and the rumors they may be hearing about me are true. The people I heard this from weren't even talking to me. I had to reach out to them to talk to them and even still they only gave me a short answer. They didn't tell me the whole story of what happened at the first practice. All I know is that it was a few days before school ended and my coach said something that made the girls not want to talk to me.

 I didn't even know rumors were going around. Only two people have asked me if I'm pregnant and I denied it to both of them. The last few days of school my teammates were acting really weird if they saw me in the halls or just straight up staring at my stomach. Well even though I was about 5 months pregnant at the end of the school year I wasn't showing at all. I was still wearing my same school uniform (khaki Bermuda shorts & a white short sleeved button down shirt). So still nobody knows I am pregnant for sure. But it still makes me mad and hurts my feelings that my coach would go against our agreement. I really truly believed in her. I looked up to her so much and I trusted her with my biggest secret. For her to go behind my back and betray my trust really hurts. All I asked of her was to wait to tell the team that I was "quitting" (being kicked off) until after school ended so I didn't have to deal with it the last few days of school and I could write them all letters explaining the situation and letting them know how I feel about them and how much they mean to me.

Once I found out what my drill coach had told my team and none of them really came to talk to me about it or ask why I left the team, I decided why should I tell any of them I am pregnant? Obviously none of them feel the same way about me as I do about them. None of them care enough to ask me why I was quitting even though I tried out and made the team again. I was so hurt. Once I had made the drill team freshman year I didn't really have time for my other friends. So my drill teammates were my best friends. They were my sisters. Yet where were they really? Why didn't they care that I had just randomly quit the team? I'm not sure exactly what my coach said to them but it couldn't have been good otherwise my teammates wouldn't have avoided me.

Sorry to write about such sad news. But clearly our plans for you being the SilverLine's youngest fan are out of the question. But don't worry I'm strong and I'll get through this. I don't need my teammates. Clearly they weren't my true friends anyways. All I need is you, daddy, and my family. I love you baby.

Love,
Mommy

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Anastazia's Middle Name

For Jairo and I, girl names are hard. We had a boy name picked out before we knew we were having a girl. Once we did find out we were having a girl we were overjoyed, but stumped. We could not decide on a name for the longest time. At first we thought about names that began with an “H” to match Henry. We did like some names such as Harper, Hadley, Harriett, Hannah, and Hattie. Then we decided we didn’t necessarily want our kids’ names to match. So we wanted a classic name that matched Henry, possibly even a name with royal history. For a few weeks we were set on the name Victoria. But that name too we realized just wasn’t right. When we finally talked about the name Anastazia it was like an epiphany. Instantly we fell in love with the name. We knew we wanted to spell it with a “Z” instead of an “S” to match my name.

Then came the task of a middle name. It was like the first name struggle all over again. We could not come up with anything. What is funny though is that when I was about 6 months pregnant and we were debating about using the name Victoria, one night Henry came up with a name of his own. It was so random. One night before bed we were just sitting there and he looked at me and said: “mommy, I know what we should name our baby.” I asked him what his idea was and his answer was surprising. (One time he had said that we should name our baby “barbeque” so I was expecting him to just be silly again.) But his idea was that we should name our baby Emily. To me this was so random because he doesn’t know anybody named Emily. That isn’t the name of any characters in shows or movies that he has seen nor is it a name that we had ever mentioned. So I am really not sure where he got it from.

We thought it was cute but really couldn’t picture it for our daughter. Plus we thought Henry would soon forget about the name. Well, he didn’t. Throughout the remainder of my pregnancy he stuck on the name. Even when we told him we were naming the baby Anastazia he said Emily should be her second name. So then he would refer to the baby as Anastazia Emily, or more frequently, Emily Anastazia.

Well, Jairo and I eventually decided that we should consider using Emily as a middle name because it meant so much to Henry. Even though it wasn’t one of our picks for a baby name, we thought it would be meaningful if we used Emily as Anastazia’s middle name because her big brother picked the name out. In fact, when my mom was pregnant with my little brother Sebastian I picked out his middle name. I was five years old and it was around the time that I was in my school’s Christmas program and I liked the name of the Angel Gabriel so I told my parents we should name our baby that and they did. My brother’s name is Sebastian Gabriel.

Honestly we didn’t decide on Anastazia Emily for sure until we filled out the birth certificate in the hospital. But we are so glad we did. We all love her name and it definitely fits her. Plus it is so sweet that her big brother picked out her middle name. I think it makes the name meaningful.

So, we are pleased to announce that our precious little beauty is named:

Anastazia Emily Tovar

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